A Few Relationship Don’ts

There’s a lot of buzz online about relationships.  Much of  the advice you may have heard time and time again, such as establishing open lines of communication and learning to share household duties equitably.  But maybe you’ve never thought about specific things to not do in a relationship.  Looking at building a relationship from what you shouldn’t do may be easier to comprehend.

For instance, what exactly are open lines of communication anyway?  Does communicating require extensive knowledge of both verbal and non-verbal cues? And does simply talking a lot mean you and your significant other have great communication skills?  As you can see, this can be a murky area in relationship.

Maybe you should approach it from the “don’t” standpoint for a better understanding. Frame the action this way – don’t assume that all people, men and women, young and old, communicate in the same manner.  A prime example – men don’t tend to lock eyes during conversation, while most women feel they are being listened to when a gaze is returned. Research has shown that men and women not only listen differently, they have different body language as well.

This can help you in your relationship if you don’t assume that your partner’s way of communicating is just like yours.  He or she is a unique person, one who comes with a lifetime of experiences, so be open to new ways of communicating.  You will do much better in a relationship if you don’t assume that a person is disinterested just because he doesn’t say “I see,” after all of your revelations.

Another area that causes friction for couples is an equitable division of labor within the household.  How do you determine who does what chore, and furthermore, if the chore is done exclusively by one partner or if the job rotates.  Look at this issue from the don’t standpoint as well.  Don’t assume that your partner understands intuitively what expectations you have about household chores.

This means that a discussion about who does what chore, and when, should be made a priority and revisited often.  Believe it or not, some men and women still tend to follow the traditional division of  work, with men doing only lawn work and women doing all of the housework.  If this is acceptable to you both, then go for it, but if the man wants to cook and the woman wants to change the oil, then a discussion is in order.

A final relationship don’t – don’t ever take your partner for granted.  Once you have been a couple for a while, you may become lax about showing your love.  Where once you and your  partner felt special and valued, you both now treat each other more like siblings than lovers.  Don’t stop sending love notes or texts.  Don’t forget to pick up some flowers “just because.”  Don’t put that getaway weekend on the back burner.  If you continue to make your love a priority, your relationship has a great chance of standing the test of time.

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