“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.†This insightful quote relates perfectly to relationships, especially romantic relationships. Do you always pick the man who is a confirmed bachelor, hoping you will be special enough to finally convince him that he should marry? Or do you find yourself attracted to elusive women, those who seem interested one moment, then as cold as ice the next? If you’ve just gotten out of another bad relationship, take a step back to analyze whether you have a tendency to repeat mistakes concerning partner choices.
Sad as this may seem, if a person doesn’t have the benefit of having healthy relationships with his or her parents, he or she many times searches out a mate similar to the offending parent. This is a misguided effort to finally win the parental approval he or she never felt. For instance, if your mother acted distant and disinterested towards you, you may have a strong attraction to partners that act the same way. Or maybe your father made every effort to tear down your self-esteem. Because of this, you may feel comfortable with a mate who does the same.
Is this healthy? No! But it does happen to both men and women alike.
Of course parents aren’t always to blame for a child’s poor relationship choices. It can happen for a number of reasons, but no matter the particular reason for first choosing a partner who doesn’t treat you well, you may still find yourself repeating the same pattern.
Here’s an example. A young woman marries the man of her dreams right out of high school. Soon, her husband begins threatening her, then he begins breaking her possessions.  The abuse escalates, and he starts beating her as well. After much soul searching, the woman breaks free and files for divorce. Several years and a college degree later, she falls in love again with a mental abuser. In her mind this man is better, but is he really?
This woman repeated her pattern of partner choices for years – until she had an epiphany – try a different type of man! This particular woman vowed to work on herself so that she could finally make confident decisions about whom to date in the first place.
So, if you have been involved in a string of failed relationships with less than savory people, don’t give up. Love really can be found. The first step involves learning to love yourself. This remains crucial, as how can someone love you if you can’t love yourself? Next, determine what type of person you have been attracted to, and make a vow to give a new type of person a try.  Moving away from what’s comfortable may be difficult, but I’m sure you can understand how it must be done.
We all learn and grow. Take stock of yourself, your relationships, and break free from negative patterns. What you get in return will be amazing!
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