Cancer and Family Relationships

As I sit in a recliner next to the adjustable bed, I hear nothing except my mother’s gurgling gasps for air. It’s the middle of the night, and I’m watching over the woman who gave me life while my dad sleeps in the other room. Soon, my mother stirs from the pain. She needs another round of medication.  As I patiently hold the glass to her lips, she manages to wash the tiny pill down with a sip of water.  After I tuck her back in bed, she looks up at me through half closed eyelids and says “I must be sick.”

Yes, she is sick, and she has been for a long time. Her battle with three different types of cancer has been nineteen years long. She’s been through surgeries, radiation treatments, chemotherapy, and blood transfusions.  She’s lost her hair, not once, but three times.  But even though there have been a lot of rough times, the good times have far outweighed the bad. In between her bouts of cancer and remissions, she did her best to be a loving mother and grandmother.  I respect her for that.

Because she chose to keep fighting, and because her body responded to the available cancer treatments, our family was able to have her around for birthdays, holidays, graduations, and vacations.

If you have never had cancer strike your family, you may not understand the way it permeates relationships.  Nothing is ever for sure in a family that has dealt with this dreaded disease.  The “what comes next” proves to be elusive.  A positive effect of this, however, is that every day presents itself as a precious gift.  As a result, family members never take for granted time spent together.  For example, I thank God each night that my mother saw two of my three children graduate from high school, and that she witnessed all of their baptisms.  I also thank Him for the trips we took together to the zoo, to the museum, and even to Florida – twice.

Another positive effect cancer had on our family – it taught my “macho” dad how to be a caregiver.  Maybe he didn’t want to be thrust into that role, but once he became my mom’s main source of emotional support (besides me), he seemed to relish the role. Blessed with over 50 years of marriage, their relationship grew from one of co-existence to one of deep love and caring.  Truly, it has been an honor to watch that transformation.

Of course there are a myriad of other effects that cancer can have on family relationships.  I have only touched on a few points in this post.  But for right now, I need to focus on the positive…the way we never took our time for granted…and they way cancer made us better caregivers, and, in turn, bettter people. After my mother passes, I know I will cry, and I will miss her terribly, but I will also smile for having had the type of relationship we had – due in part to the devastating disease called cancer.

 

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