When talking to my twenty year-old daughter a few days ago, I learned that her friend of 15 years had excluded her from a get together yet again. This friendship, although years old, has been deteriorating slowly, but steadily. I suggested that she distance herself from this person, since my daughter continually complains of being hurt by her.
She replied, “I can’t let go; she was my best friend, Kindergarten through ninth grade.” But this is exactly what she needs to do – let go. Although it may be difficult, moving on from a friendship may be the best thing for one’s own mental health. Read on as I discuss three reasons to end a friendship.
Two Roads Diverged
What my daughter can’t see is that although her friend will always hold a special place in her heart, they have went separate ways. Since she is only twenty, she doesn’t understand yet that friends can come and go, and that’s ok. A person who may have been a confidant at one job, may become a distant stranger once one of them changes employment. People change; they may have traveled the same path for a time, even several years, but life happens. It is healthy to smile, to remember all the good things that you shared with this special person, but don’t cling to a relationship that has ended.
Control Fanatic
Friendships may begin with both parties feeling equal, yet sometimes one person may become too controlling. If one finds him or herself only doing what the friend wants to do, then the friendship’s dynamic needs to be examined. In a healthy relationship, both people choose where to eat, what movie to see, what music to listen to, or even what topics to discuss. Basically, each person needs to give, and not just take. For instance, if your friend only wants you to tag along when doing things she likes, yet she refuses to do anything you suggest, let her go.
Spousal Abuse
A third really good reason to let a friendship go is if the person talks negatively about your spouse or significant other. Friends should look out for one another, it’s true, but they shouldn’t tear down one’s mate without justification. I had a close friend tell me that my fiance was not handsome enough for me, and that he seemed boring because he wouldn’t drink celebratory shots. This was after meeting him once, for one hour. Needless to say, I quickly ended our friendship. Any so called friend who passes judgement on someone you love dearly (without even knowing him) is definitely not worth friendship status.
As a person ages, he or she needs to concentrate on people who really matter. Don’t settle for friends that you have nothing in common with, and don’t let someone control you. Friends need to offer support and fun, not trash talk your loved ones for no reason. Remember, it is alright to leave some friends behind. Take heart, there’s always a new friend around the corner.
Tweet This Post