Does your significant other dictate what you can wear, what friends you can hang with, and even where you can go? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, be careful – you may be in a controlling relationship.
Both men and women can become involved with controllers, as they often appear so caring at first. It may seem like they have your best interests at heart, almost like they know “what’s best for you,” yet do they really? If you have been wondering if your significant other is too controlling, read this post.
I had a friend whose boyfriend had to approve each outfit she wore, no matter if she was going to school, to the gym, or even to work. He had such control over her outfits, that he began buying her clothes, and in a size smaller than she was at the time. Not only had he taken control over how she adorned her body, he took over how he wanted her body to look. Sad thing is, she lost weight to fit into his choices!
Sure, your loved one may like you in a particular outfit, or he or she may hate your favorite nightgown or camo jacket, but no one should take away your right to choose your own clothes. The example above may be extreme, but if you find yourself having to apologize for the outfit you wore to work that day, then seriously think about whether your significant other has asserted too much control.
Another warning sign of a controlling relationship – dictating who your friends can be. Again, your boyfriend/husband or girlfriend/wife, may not particularly care for one of your friends, but you should never be told that you can’t hang out with someone. In addition, you should never have to give up your friends altogether.
In high school I fell victim to just such a young man. My junior year I had lots of friends. I went to school events, and generally had a lot of fun; however, by my senior year, I only did things with my boyfriend and his friends. Being young myself, I failed to realize that controlling my friendships proved my boyfriend needed to dominate me. Thank goodness I exited the relationship at 19, but only after he made the transition to hitting me.
This is another extreme example. Yet, if you love someone who has tried to limit your circle of friends or who has told you to ditch family events, please reconsider where your relationship may be headed.
Finally, if you can’t go where you want without approval first, please re-evaluate where you stand with your loved one. I had another friend who was only allowed to go to church, to work, and to the grocery store. In fact, her husband began checking the car mileage to make sure she had not stopped anywhere else.
Remember, you should be able to go about your daily life (with friends) without fear of being yelled at for doing so!
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