Some people have a difficult time finding love because they sabotage their own budding relationships. This means that instead of letting a connection develop gradually, they may seek to control or test the other person for several reasons. If a person finds himself or herself alone, even after being successful at getting first, second, and even third dates, he or she may want to investigate the idea of self sabotage.
Past Haunts
For those raised in dysfunctional households, finding love may be especially difficult. This is because, as a child, he or she did not receive the unconditional love and attention needed to develop a healthy self-esteem. Think of it this way, if a woman has a cold and distant father, she may believe that as an adult she belongs with a cold and distant man as well. If she dates a truly nice and genuine man, she may feel as if something “isn’t right,” when it most certainly is! The lesson is: don’t let a less than perfect childhood sabotage your chance for love with a loving man or woman.
Can He Pass the Test?
Another way one sabotages a love relationship is through testing the other party involved. For instance, I knew a gentleman who purposely placed me in tricky situations to “test” how I would react. He actually seemed to be keeping score with some hidden key that only he had access to. This type of testing sabotages relationships. As explained by Gerry Heisler, Ph. D. in a 2011 issue of Psychology Today, “People who test their partner’s devotion may attempt to gain proof that their partner cares about them by seeing whether they can make the grade.” Ultimately, I felt so nervous around this man that I could not be myself. As you may guess, the relationship ended rather quickly.
Unhealthy Obsession
Obsessing over a new man or woman can ruin a relationship as well. Just because the date was great, doesn’t mean that he wants to get 12 texts from you by the next morning. He also doesn’t want a picture of you in a heart shaped frame after one week of getting to know each other. Falling in love takes time, and obsessing about whether he likes you or not will not help to hasten things. Take a step back, breathe, and enjoy getting to know another person before you adopt his taste in music and food! That will only sabotage any connection the two of you may have had.
There are many ways that men and women sabotage love relationships, including bringing up past hurts, testing the other person, and becoming obsessed. If you have the ability to attract people in the first place, you DO have the ability to develop long lasting partnerships. Do some soul searching…maybe you have been sabotaging what may have been awesome love connections.
Three Reasons People Sabotage Love
1. They don’t feel worthy.
2. They have a fear of intimacy.
3. They haven’t had positive role models.
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