Is Forgiveness Possible?

During our lifetimes, we all experience great joy as well as deep sorrow.  Sometimes, the sorrow can be caused when another either intentionally or unintentionally hurts our feelings. This happens not only between spouses, but between parents and children, and between siblings as well.  Old hurts, even from years earlier, can cause one’s stomach to churn and bubble when revisited in a memory.  Sometimes, relationships may be broken seemingly beyond repair, but maybe forgiveness will salvage the bond.

Recently I lost my mother to cancer.  Not only was I grieving, but I experienced great anger when two of my brothers refused to help with the funeral expenses.  Although they showed up at the funeral and other family activities, they never offered to pay for flowers, for the funeral itself, or for the luncheon that followed.  Sadly, they never even contributed to her memorial.

For the past few months, I’ve stewed over this hurt.  I wondered how they could be so callous, so cold.  I would wake in the night, crying not only because my mother had died, but because her own sons had failed to help give her a proper burial.  Truthfully, I even thought of breaking off all ties with these two men, men old enough to know better.

What I didn’t focus on was the great love that my other family members and friends showered me with during that difficult time.  There were hugs, kind words, and uplifting cards and letters.  My favorite cousin even surprised me by offering a large amount of money to help with the mound of hospital and funeral home bills, and my aunt has decided to assist me with my father’s care.  Truly, I have been blessed beyond words.

So, instead of being mad at my brothers, I have chosen to forgive them.  They are individuals, and they must have had their own reasons for not offering concrete help.  I will still talk to them, as my dad needs them in his life.  I guess you could say that I’ve chosen to take the high road in our relationship.  After all, it’s what my mom would have wanted.

My advice – if one has been hurt, maybe it’s best to remember all the good in life, instead of focusing on the bad. Remember why the relationship has been so important as well. In all relationships people will make mistakes. I know I have made plenty of mistakes, and I can only hope that others have forgiven me for some of the thoughtless things I might have done.

Is forgiveness possible?  In many cases, yes!

 

 

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