Parent or Best Friend?

Your duties as a parent are crystal clear when your child is an infant. You provide food, shelter, and plenty of love. As your son or daughter grows, you begin to provide intellectual stimulation, and you have plenty of fun playing together.  Still, you remain a parental figure first and foremost.

It isn’t until the late teen years that the notion of becoming best friends enters into your relationship. Although it may be tempting to begin treating your child more like a friend, resist the urge to do so for several important reasons.

First, scientific research has proven that a human’s brain does not fully mature until the age of 25.  Simply put, you child still needs your guidance well into his or her twenties. He or she will need your help to wade through a myriad of important decisions – everything from choosing the right college to establishing a credit history.  If you begin acting more like a friend than a parent, he or she may not take your opinions on these matters as seriously.

Another reason not be a best friend to your child at this age centers on the notion that he or she should be developing social skills, including the development of strong relationships with those his or her own age.  Here’s an easy way to understand this concept.  If you take on the role of your daughter’s most trusted confidant, how will she be able to leave the nest when it is time to do so?  In her mind, she will not only have to leave parents, she will have to leave her closest friend.  This will make going away to college extremely difficult or even impossible.

Having your parents try to be your best friend when you are in your late teens or early twenties can also be embarrassing.  I had a dear friend whose parents actually followed her to the bars and dance clubs on a regular basis.  I liked them, as they had great personalities, and they always bought drinks all around, but sooner rather than later we would  end up leaving our friend behind with her parents.  Sure, it may be fun to go out for a few hours with your son who just turned 21, but trying to become one of his regular posse will only make him cringe.

A final reason not to act as your child’s best friend too early is the fact that soon enough he or she will be completely grown with a family of his or her own.  Why rush through the time when he or she needs you to act like a parent the most?  Cherishing the opportunity to help mold your child into a responsible adult will be much more rewarding than being viewed simply as his or her bro or sista!

I am proud that I am a parent.  It has been a wild ride so far, and I’ve enjoyed all of it. Some day, I know my children will think of me as a friend, maybe even a best friend, but I hope they always see me as a parent first.

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